Zombie lettuce kinda creeps me out

Welp, we’re about six days into this experiment here, and it looks like the lettuce is beginning to show some wear.

Observations:

• The open air lettuce at the bottom of the plate is all mummified. It’s soft and shrunken, kind of like my grandfather. Grandpa turned 95 last week. His hobbies include sitting in his apartment, telling the same navy story over and over, accusing his kids of stealing his pajamas, and eschewing pants. Happy Birthday Grandpa!
• The plain plastic bag at 9 o’clock shows some wear and pinky-brown discoloration on the cut edges of the leaves.
• The plain Green Bag lettuce (high noon) is slightly better off, with some faint coloring starting near the outside leaves.
• The Green Bag with napkin setup (half past three) looks okay, but even up close doesn’t seem a whole lot better off than the regular Green Bag set.
• The stumps look particularly unpleasant, no? Interestingly, all but the open air stump are brown.
• It’s not often you get to use the word stump. Stump. Stump.

I hereby declare them all inedible. Don’t like the look of those stumps. The Green Bag ones are faring best, and I could probably still salvage some interior leaves if I were so inclined. The open-air one is definitely the closest to compost at this point, with the plain plastic bag a fairly distant second.

Conclusion thus far: The green bags do seem to be doing their job.