Nutgraf

The first experiment of 2009!

To kick off the New Year in the right way, we deployed the Kinoki Cleansing Detox Foot Pad array last night.

After developing parameters and aggravating friends and acquaintances with my enthusiastic description of the array, I just had to wait for an auspicious day to deploy the 14 Kinoki Cleansing Detox Foot Pads. The first week of the New Year seemed like a good time, since most of us have been studiously consuming festive amounts of holiday-related toxins for the last couple of weeks.

So last night I set up the gear, stuck some foot pads to some feet, and subjected them to all manner of other treatments and interventions. And this morning I gained new insight into Kinoki’s claims.

Pad 1: On my freshly cleaned foot

Pad 2: On my not freshly cleaned foot

Purely in the interest of science (of course), I have been no Puritan toxin-wise. And so I was the first to undergo foot pad application. They’re not at all uncomfortable – the flexible mesh stickers held the pads to my feet quite nicely as I slept. Before applying, I first washed the left foot with soap and water.

This morning, both of these pads were g-ross. Grey, stinky, slimy-looking. Even so, I do not feel magically different or substantially less toxic.

Pad 3: Spouse’s freshly cleaned foot

Pad 4: Spouse’s not-so-clean foot

Spouse was kind enough to also wear a set, helpfully writing “G” on his unwashed foot so that I’d know where we stood grime-wise. This morning, Spouse’s pads were identical to mine – perhaps a little damper and therefore more gross-looking. No major differences though, and I do like to think that we have different toxin concentrations.

Pad 5: Fridge

Pad 6: Fridge on a potato

Pad 7: On the counter on a clean potato

Pad 8: In the dryer on a clean potato

Pad 9: On the kitchen counter

Pad 10: In the clothes dryer

None of these pads showed discernible changes. Fortunately my dryer has this handy plastic rack thingy that you can deploy when drying something you don’t want to bang around in the machine. Like, for example, a potato. Even so, I’m sure I’ve just voided a very important warranty.

Pad 11: Originally a cold tap-water bath: Changed to counter with no mesh backing

We decided halfway through deployment that the mesh backing that you use to stick these things to your foot may be responsible for some kind of chemical reaction in the pad. So we left this one out on the kitchen counter without any backing contact. This morning, the pad showed zero change, thereby debunking this theory. Which, honestly, makes me kind of sad because I would have thought it rather clever of the manufacturer.

Pad 12: Cold Brita water bath

Pad 13: Hot Brita water bath

Both gross. Just like the ones we wore on our feet. I think we’re on to something here.

Pad 14: In the yard

I stuck this one to the front of my house. Built in 1940 in a bustling metropolitan area, our house has been subjected to all kinds of pernicious influences. I figured it couldn’t hurt to suck a few toxins out of it, unless the toxins are in fact what’s holding our little Cape Cod together. Man, that would have sucked. Can you imagine the conversation with our homeowners insurance company? “Yeah, I dunno. I guess that these pads are just too good.”

Fortunately, after spending the night outside, this pad showed no effects. And our happy home is safe.

Conclusion: Water is the answer

It seems clear to me that moisture is the issue here. I tore open one of the little packets to find a grey powder that smelled – as advertised – somewhat like lavender. After adding a spoonful of water, the powder turned darker and smelled kinda icky.

Mystery solved. I’ve got a spare box of these things, though. Anyone else want to give it a try?

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