I’ve been pregnant now for entirely too long, and am now thinking of my third trimester as “the new and distressing creases months.” As my weight swiftly approaches infinity, and time marches inexorably towards what I’m calling “the event horizon,” I was really excited to get this chunk of parenting advice from a friend I have long admired.
I had children before I was grown up, thus sparing my child from enduring the constant attention and undiluted focus of the typical Baby Boomer parent.
I tended to see my child as something to be enjoyed, played with, picked up and carried off to whatever I was doing, whenever I was doing it. This meant I never had those annoying little glitches in the schedule around “nap time.” — hell, if the kid needs to nap, he’ll find a way to take it. And by God he did, in the car, in the bar, in the box, with a fox… no wait, that’s another book…
BUT Green Eggs and Ham does bring me to the topic of EATING
I always assumed that once he dropped that bottle, he would eat anything, any where — and thus spared myself the curse of the picky eater. Hot dogs (love those nitrates!) enchildadas, Thai spring rolls, broccoli — if it wasn’t moving TOO fast, the kid, like his parents, would eat it and enjoy it! I cannot tolerate the fussy eater.
Don’t like what you just got handed for dinner ? Then don’t eat.
Isn’t she awesome? Now, I can testify to the love in her family and the success of her techniques. And it’s a breath of fresh air – in light of some of the obsessive parenting I’ve seen as well as some of the obsessive gestating I’ve been doing – to read a more reasonable theory that lets everyone get on with the business of living their lives.
As much as I bitch, I am looking forward to meeting the baby. Hopefully before I develop my own gravitational field.
I’m renewing my request for advice. How do you pick a good mechanic? Or the right paint color? A life partner? A job? I’d be grateful for your advice on life, work, love… anything, really. Whether deadly serious or seriously funny, and whether you allow me to share your advice on the blog, or keep it just between us, I know you know some great stuff.
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I’m all for avoiding needless obsessing about parenting, but the writer above was lucky to have easygoing children. I’m willing to bet she never had a baby who cries and screams and cries and screams despite the application of every soothing technique out there. (otherwise known as “colic” – I know the life-altering reality of this firsthand.) Or a baby who struggles and cries with painful gas or reflux after every meal. And it’s no fun if your toddler won’t nap on the go, resulting in meltdowns due to skipped naps. None of these situations are the fault of parents.
The mom above assumes her child was not picky about eating because she EXPECTED him to not be picky. It’s easy to take credit for traits we like in our kids, but not always entirely correct. Certainly, parents greatly influence kids’ attitudes and values, but inborn temperament is an important factor.
One lesson I’ve learned from bearing and parenting two children with different temperaments: Try not to judge or make assumptions. See a 3-year-old with a pacifier? Maybe his parents are hovering and indulgent. Or maybe he has an disability and the paci helps him cope. Think your friend is too uptight because she insists on getting home before naptime? You have no idea what challenges she might be facing with her child.
When you find yourself thinking, “I’m sure if those parents just took a different approach…”, STOP. You don’t know that. (Except, of course, if you see abuse or neglect or the like.)
Just be careful about one-size-fits-all parenting advice. Some babies and children do require more attention, regardless of our expectations.
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