Nutgraf

Introducing Veronica Rose [Spouse's last name].

• Born March 1, 2010
• 6 lbs, 13 oz
• The nurses gave her a gold star for her incredible head of hair (not pictured).

Am hoping not to make a habit of blogging about the minutiae of new parenthood. There are lots of people who do this really well, and it’s not my niche. But… maybe… once in a while…

In the spirit of science, here are some initial observations.

• No matter what you tell your mother in the months before your water breaks (or the 35 years of your prior acquaintance), she will still want to stay in the delivery room for the main event. And you just might not care at that point. This happens to everyone, right?
• The moment of delivery is astonishing on a number of levels. And that’s all I’ve got to say about that.
• Epidural. Say it loud. Say it proud. Say it early. Don’t wait and go through hours of suffering if you’re heading for the drip anyway – save your strength.
• Let me repeat: Epidural. As someone who has been in pain before, I have the authority to state that there is nothing noble or interesting about it. Nature does lots of painful undignified things to us that we don’t have any trouble interfering with.
• Somehow this six pound human facsimile is controlling four full-grown adults 24 hours a day. I know this does not make us unique, so I won’t bitch about it further. For at least the next five minutes.
• You *can* make a baby almost entirely out of Skittles.
• Those enormous boobs I ordered when I was 15 arrived today. Shazam.

Nobody knows what they’re talking about. Conversely, everybody knows what they’re talking about.

In the last two days I’ve been told the following by a series of legitimate medical professionals:

• Unwrap the baby for feedings so she’s a little agitated and alert.
• Swaddle the baby for feedings so she’s comfortable and relaxed.
• Keep the baby’s hands and fingers covered so they don’t flail around and disturb her.
• Free up the baby’s hands so she can comfort herself – she’s had them in utero, why take them away now?
• Take the baby’s temperature in the ear or armpit.
• Take the baby’s temperature rectally.
• Start good sleeping habits right away, it’s never too early.
• Spend the first couple of months just doing whatever she wants, you can’t start bad habits yet.
• Never wake a sleeping baby.
• Wake her up for feeding times.

So now that we’ve got that straight. Am I missing anything?

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