Spouse is a great guy. Among other features, he is the best roommate I’ve ever had. Love him and all that. But now that I’m spending more time managing the homestead, there’s a habit of his that’s making me just a little bit crazypants in my headholes.
When he uses a dish, he takes it to the sink, fills it with water and leaves it there full to the brim. Tea cup, salad plate, ice cream bowl, stew pot, roasting pan, baby bottle… whatever. He says he does this “so they can soak.” Which is patent bullshit and obfuscation. That glass had water in it, Spouse. How do you soak water off of a glass?
So, I’ve asked him nicely several times to please not leave me a sink full of dishes full of water.
And I come home to this.
I mean, seriously. It would be one thing to place a dish in the sink, wait for a few to accumulate, then do a big rinse and put them all in the dishwasher. No big. But if you’re going to fill them carefully and line them up? This is the maximum amount of effort one can expend while still not actually doing the dishes. This makes no sense to me.
To use the sink at all, I have to move these offerings, and always get my hands covered with dirty dishwater, so I have to wash my hands, so I may as well just fill the dishwasher… hey, wait a minute.
But I’m not sure Spouse even knows he’s doing it now. I think that I’ve now put a bug in his ear about “dishes full of water,” and subconsciously he’s trying to oblige. It’s all so tidy. That lineup on the right? Four baby bottles full of water, and four baby bottle caps also full of water. WTF?
How do I make it stop?
When I was in college, there was much discussion of the Dish Fairy. “What do you think? There’s some dish fairy that comes and cleans up after you?” Signs posted in the kitchens my friends shared with a cadre of house- and roommates were sometimes signed by this elusive dish fairy, and begged, cajoled or threatened the reader with bodily harm if they left dirty dishes in the sink.
I don’t think he’d respond well to notes from the dish fairy, so I’m going to try something I read about a couple of years ago. While researching a book about a school for animal trainers, this author learned a lot about positive reinforcement techniques. She tried them on her husband to get him to pick up his dirty socks, to great success. Her article in the New York Times was enormously popular (I remember it making quite a splash when it came out), and was the cause of much conversation around the office.
Wish me luck.
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LOL ‘crazypants in the headholes.’ I read that NYT story and forwarded it to my partner and about a thousand other people. It seemed to reveal all the mysteries of life and how to train your people.
Full disclosure: I’m a dish-leaver-in-the-sink girl. My thinking behind it is that I’m in the middle of things so I’ll put my stuff in the sink. It takes time to open the dishwasher door, make room, get distracted and wander off, etc.
I clean off the counters but when the sink is full I’ll put stuff in the dishwasher ONCE rather than have to deal with it 20 times.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Or maybe you just need this: http://bit.ly/9y8a8a. Every gay guy in the U.K. gets his photo taken with a bottle at some point by his stupid tourist friends.
Unfortunately this is your Spouse’s hereditary condition which he got with his paternal genes.
If you get any success in the cure please let me know. His father’s case is even more advanced: the pots and pans filled with water are always left on the range top for me. I have been suffering silently for 41 years…
Your mother-in-law (a.k.a. The Stoic).
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We’ve been married more than 20 years and yes, sometimes it is “crazypants in your headholes”.
And here I thought mine was the only one who thought water needed to be soaked off of a glass. This post is fantastic. Between your reading choices, the fact that you carve out time to read, and this post, you have won me over as a loyal reader. That, and how nice you were when we met at BlogHer.
That article is fabulous, as well. I realize now that both my mom and my mother-in-law have been giving me some version of this advice for awhile. Why did I never listen?
I’m willing to come out of retirement and try leaving some notes if you change your mind. Bodily harm optional.
xo, The Dish Fairy
I do the same thing. Assuming there is no time to empty the dishwasher (full of CLEAN dishes), you have basically 4 choices:
1. Wash your just-used dishes immediately
2. Leave them on the counter
3. Leave them in the sink as they are
4. Leave them in the sink, but fill them with water
When pressed for time, option 1 is not an option. That leaves 2, 3, and 4, and I will take 4 over 2 and 3 every time. I HATE seeing plates with food on them sitting on the counter OR in the sink for hours. Ants love them though.
All that being said, I’m talking about plates with solid food remains. Glasses are not even a question in my house – they get washed immediately no matter what.
G