You know you’ve been in DC too long when you know for a fact that this has happened before:

Northwest Washington residents capture runaway horse

“A runaway horse, without saddle, bridle or rider, galloped through the streets of upper Northwest Washington on Sunday evening, provoking concern and astonishment, and many calls to the police.”

My parents love to tell the following story from when I was a tiny kid, and we lived on Yuma Street in Northwest D.C.:

A Park Police horse got loose and went galloping up the street past our house. It was followed closely by a cop on a motorcycle. Apparently I was so taken by this that I pulled a little chair up to the window so I could watch for it to happen again.

Let it be known that I was not wrong! I just didn’t wait long enough.

Seriously, good eatin'.

Trapped in the house – not even allowed to help shovel us out – I had to do something to earn my keep during Snowpocalypse 2010. While everyone else was out organizing massive snowball fights via Facebook, I went all clean-a-thon on my place – polishing the counters, vacuuming, reorganizing all of my clothes and sifting through the jewelry archives, squirreling away the good stuff into various hidey holes where I will never find it. And generally trying to keep moving constantly, to assuage my guilt over leaving poor, beleaguered spouse out there to fend for himself in the wilds of Bethesda with a shovel and a dream. So I decided to make stew while he liberated us from the Deathsnow.

Here are some Deathsnow pictures! I wasn’t able to stray far, and mostly trotted up and down our front walk, hitting azaleas with a broom to try to knock some of the heavy snow off of them.

But back to the stew: It’s a very good stew, and kind of the definition of comfort food. Takes a vigorous slathering with horseradish, and keeps well. And so I share it with you as a great thing to have in your arsenal.

It is an adapted version of the Beef Stew Gaston recipe from Joy of Cooking.

• Take about 2-3 pounds of stewing beef – however you define that.
• Whack it in a big pot with a couple of tablespoons of olive oil and stir it around for a while as it browns.
• When it’s all browned up, scoop it out and discard the residual goo.
• Dust the beef chunks with flour, salt and pepper.
• Toss into your big pot and get to boiling: one cup broth (beef, veg… whatever you have around), one 15-oz can of tomato sauce or crushed tomatoes, one chopped onion, 3-ish cloves of garlic chopped, about 1/4 cup of chopped parsley, 12-15-ish peppercorns, one bay leaf, and one or two cloves. Cloves are a delicate calculation and it’s easy to use too much – do not overdo them.
• When that’s boiling, add your browned meat and simmer for about 3 hrs.
• After about 2.5 hours, add 2-3 peeled, chopped potatoes, 3 peeled, chopped carrots, 1-2 stalks chopped celery (all in big chunks), and a cup of red wine.

Enjoy with horseradish and more wine.

So what do you make/crave when it’s cold and shovely out?

Every adult should have a really elegant pen.

Mine? Is a gorgeous hot yellow Waterman Charleston fountain pen with a medium gold nib and a really nice heft to it. Look at it. Love it. When I use that bad boy, people think I know something. This pen is elegant and sophisticated, and these are traits I could stand to be associated with. It makes you feel good in the same way as your favorite shirt. Or like when your underpants and bra match. You feel like you’ve really got it together.

We e-mail and txt constantly – or at least I do. And that requires a lot of words, much more than it requires a lot of thought. With a big, heavy, gorgeous fountain pen? You think about getting comfortable and clearing your mind. With no backspace key or copy/paste function, you think about each word. When you mess something up? You want to start over, because the end result should be a beautiful and cohesive document.

This isn’t txting or pinging. And you don’t lol or ttyl. You compose a note. I’ll even admit that sometimes I’ll write a draft on a steno pad so that I don’t waste the good stationary and can concentrate on keeping things as pretty and organized as possible.

Using whole words and full sentences, and polite salutations. People like it. Go figure. You can say more with less.

There’s something about writing with a beautiful instrument that makes you chose your words more carefully. It lends a sense of ceremony to an important signature. Don’t sign your mortgage with that pen you got at the chiropractor.

People who take pens far too seriously:

• The Pen Addict
• The Pen Guy
• Sharpie Blog
• Unposted
• Ink Quest

Do you have a piece of advice to share? All topics welcome.

I have a couple of super cool but pretty worn old Scan wood tabley things. I love ‘em – they’ve got a great shape, good proportion, elegant and spare design, and have served me well lo these many years. I have treated them somewhat roughly and the tops are all marked up with old water stains and whatnot.

It's a nice lookin' console, no?

I’ve long wanted to try to tidy them up a little, but have no time, skill or patience for a real project, and so have mostly just halfheartedly rubbed them with furniture polish or wax, noticed that no miracles took place, and then promptly forgot about it for a while. Honestly, they deserve better treatment.

Since today is kind of a quasi holiday (quasi only because not everyone has it off), I finally consulted the Great and Benevolent Internet to see what gems of homemaker wisdom it might be able to provide. The consensus was that I should place a white towel or piece of flat-like cloth on the stain and gently iron it for a few minutes.

And holy shit, it worked.

The stains were not completely removed (really, they were pretty bad), but the big ones were definitely significantly healed. So, let it be known that even years-old water stains can be abated by gently ironing a white cloth on the wood.

Oh, Internet. Is there anything you *don’t* know?

Do you have a piece of housekeeping advice? I know there are some really awesome tips out there. Share yours!

After my last screed about how there’s no such thing as online privacy, I got more wound up about this subject. Many of us are willfully ignorant about the deals we make with various companies every day. Each day that you surf, blog, shop online, check e-mail or conduct acts of commerce or socialization digitally, you are selling your personal data. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that every time you use a credit or debit card you are creating a trail of data for the marketers to follow.

1) Know the deal you’re making.

Every site you use has (or should damn well have) a comprehensive privacy policy and terms of use document posted prominently. Any site that doesn’t consider this important enough to post does not deserve your custom. Here’s the tricky part – it is incumbent upon you to read them. When you visit their site, you are bound by their rules. No, they prolly can’t take your first born just because they said they could in their policy, but do you really even want to have that discussion? And you might be consenting to virtual cavity searches, giving up way more information than is strictly necessary and making yourself vulnerable to scammers and thieves. Is Farmville really worth it?

2) Remember that your data is their currency.

And why do they have such complicated policies? Because your data is valuable. Content is provided to you free of charge, but the providers you deal with have to make money. They’re not charitable entities, and even the warm, fuzzy nonprofitty types make deals to keep the lights on. Make sure their deals are deals you can live with. Know what you’re parting with, how they’re using it, and where you draw the line.

3) Don’t do things of which you’re not proud.

Since we’ve already established that there’s no such thing as online privacy, the only solution is not to treat it like a mystery spot where there is no memory and no consequences. Any anonymity you think you have is cursory at best. If someone wants to hold you responsible for your actions, they can. And the funny thing about digital media – it is preserved forever. If you had any idea what kind of information is held about you in marketing databases, you’d drop your teeth (as my mom used to say).

4) On the other hand, how much does it really matter?

Are you really any more conspicuous than anyone else online? And is your digital hiney hanging out in any really notable way? Kind of like the principle of herd immunity when it comes to vaccinations, there is some safety in numbers. Unless you’re the slow wildebeest who gets nabbed at the watering hole. Which would truly suck. Every time the Office of Personnel Management loses a laptop and compromises thousands of Social Security numbers, we are reminded that there is no real security, so we should just relax. In fact, OPM has a pretty swanky privacy center, no doubt created in response to their big, embarrassing breach last year.

5) Know your sources and your recourses.

I shouldn’t have made this one last only because it is a good principle to live by in general. And honestly, it has a nice ring to it. Know where you stand and the motivations of the people/entities you’re dealing with. Critical thinking will stand you in good stead online, in school, at work, at home and anywhere else.

• Don’t do business with companies that look shady, that you haven’t heard of, that don’t have a high online profile and that don’t Google up nice and fresh-smelling.
• Don’t use stupid passwords. See Twitter’s list of banned passwords, for some bad ideas.
• Read privacy policies and About Us pages, and keep a low profile on places with which you don’t wish to be affiliated at, say, work.
• Keep a vigilant eye on your statements and credit report (get your free report every year – make sure you know what’s in there!). Start any credit report request from the FTC.gov Annual Credit Report page to be sure you’re not going through a commercial trap.
• Know the policies of your credit cards and financial institutions, and keep copies of that contact information somewhere you can get at if your wallet disappears.

Comments invited:

What did I miss? Any experts I should talk to? How do you protect yourself online?

In light of all of the freaking status updates I’ve been seeing from assorted friends, it seems that the fine folks at Facebook have adjusted their privacy settings so that now your profile page may be indexed by search engines such as Google, firehosing an unsuspecting public with your lunch selection, snide comments about your colleagues, and photos of your cats and their latest antics.

New Facebook Privacy Settings – NYTimes Gadgetwise blog

This got me to thinking about Kids Today(tm), and one of today’s other big news stories – how they’re all “sexting” one another, sending comments ranging from the saucy to the filthy, and photos of themselves with their bits out.

Teens and Sexting – Pew Research

And then there’s this – the U.S. Supreme Court has agreed to consider a case of whether a police officer had a reasonable expectation of privacy when sending more than 200 sexually explicit text messages using his department-issued device. Like SCOTUS doesn’t have anything better to do.

Justices will determine privacy of government workers’ messages – CNN.com

Personally, I think that the notion that your digital information – whether text messages, photos, account information or health data – is actually reliably private, is kind of quaint. And frankly, you’d have a greater expectation of privacy if you weren’t giving your information to (for example) Facebook. Which is a business based on the sharing and segmentation of this information which you give them voluntarily in exchange for accessing their network and the free content therein. (Aside – I am curious to know the carbon footprint of those damned Farmville updates.)

And so I offer this piece of advice to anyone using the Internet:

Live your online life as if you were standing in Grand Central Station. Keep your wits about you, your wallet in your pocket, don’t trust strangers, try not to act too drunk, and keep your pants on.

Where we briefly were able to sustain the illusion that we could compartmentalize our online personas, technology and The Cloud (to misuse the term) have evolved. All of your data is becoming more connected and increasingly accessible. As a dear friend used to say “information wants to be free.” And it will be. These bits are more adept than water at insinuating their way through the smallest cracks and fissures to puddle up where you least want them.

There’s only one reliable solution.

Comport yourself appropriately.

No, it’s not as much fun as cutting loose and mooning those conventioneers. But there is value in not having secrets that can get sprayed all over the Twitterverse. You think that I’m proud that so many of the search results on my own name bring up a book I co-authored with my mom 15 years ago? Not really. But then again it’s not a photo gallery of a bikini wax gone tragically wrong. This I can live with.

Yes, people do foolish things and always have. And technology has greatly eased the worldwide dissemination of these embarrassing moments. I think we’re going to get more tolerant of online indiscretions. That said, why be the one pushing the envelope? Or testifying in front of the Supreme Court about why one was sending scores of “often-racy messages to his wife, his girlfriend and a fellow officer”  (I’m not even touching that) while supposedly on duty as a member of the SWAT team? Just mind your bits.

Now, of course, someone is going to surface some mortifying photo from when I was 16 or 28 and doing something foolish. Or decide that it’s open season on my personal e-mail messages sent from my work computer. I consider those to be calculated risks.

Now,how do you protect yourself and your data?

I love Judge Judy. Let me just admit that up front. She reminds me of my paternal grandmother – famed for not letting anyone get away with anything, and having a formidable “fish eye” that she shared when she thought someone was up to no good. Or even just not up to as much good as she thought they should be up to.

I watch Judge Judy’s show (and all of the others: The People’s Court, Judge Joe Brown, Judge Mathis…) when I’m home of a weekday, but have thus far resisted filling up our DVR with the stuff.

And – honestly – I’m not sure it’s making me a better person.

But I’ve learned a couple of great things from her, and now I’m going to save you the hours of rigorous research.

What I’ve learned from Judge Judy:

• When you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember as much.
• When you’re ahead, just stop talking.
• Don’t lend anything you can’t afford to lose.
• Documentation is your best friend.
• The longer the story, the less likely it is to be true.

And that’s it. I consider these to all be very important nuggets of wisdom, and hope that Judge Judy and grandma both would approve.

Aside: Am I the only person who loved the old Divorce Court with the beating heart animation and the kindly older judge with the crinkly eyes pushing the little boy in the swing during the opening credits, and the dramatic courtroom reenactments of Actual Real Cases? Or did I imagine this all in a codeine-induced haze during a long illness when I was a teenager? Either way. It was epic.

Have you learned anything valuable from TV? Sarcasm is, of course, welcome.

President Truman receiving a turkey to pardon

I’ve had a great response to the Thanksgiving survival challenge. And as my own 2009 Thanksgiving plans get more complicated and onerous (hooray for pleasing everyone!), I’m starting to take this thread more personally. Why is this so hard? Why does it have to go all sideways every year for so many people?

My foreign-born husband quite reasonably asks why anyone cares in the first place about this arbitrary day with no religious or personal significance. Halloween also kind of freaks him out. Why do people send their children begging for free candy from the neighbors? What is the meaning behind this that would make that an acceptable way to behave? But I’m getting off track.

I only want three things from Thanksgiving, myself. They are:

• The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
• Cranberry sauce
• Stuffing

And though somehow they never all come together (I most often miss the parade), here are some very fine suggestions from my friends on how to avoid the worst of the psychological damage:

M. proposes Chinese food and a movie as a strategy for a peaceful holiday. To this I would only add a draconian caller ID monitoring policy. One of my own best Thanksgivings was spent alone in front of the TV with some microwave mac & cheese. There was a price to pay later, but only you can know if it’s worth it.

J. suggests that having a friend who is “having a really hard time right now,” provides ample opportunities to step out to make consoling phone calls, conduct thoughtful visits, and provides conversation fodder that distracts from whatever social or political insanity your family is currently dwelling upon. Who can fault you for being a good friend? Even if the subject of your consideration is not entirely fact-based.

P. says that having your own car is vital. And anyone who has been trapped transport-free in an increasingly painful  situation knows that something as simple as a trip to Wawa can make the difference between a passable evening and a death spiral of tryptophan and wine-fueled infighting.

Tell us how you plan to get through the holidays.

With the holidays fast approaching, I’ve started thinking about the tactics we all use to cope with situations that are… close. When you get close family in close quarters things can get dicey, and we all make little deals with ourselves and develop tactics and strategies for coping.

Not, of course, that there’s ever any reason to want to claw my skin off when I’m celebrating these joyous occasions with my own loving family (is my mom still reading?).

Families are ubiquitous, and family aggravations are – in 99 out of 100 cases – pretty pedestrian and totally boring. That one case in a hundred is a real doozy, though. Zoom.

Meanwhile, when things get fidgety around the old homestead – when Uncle Ralph starts expounding on politics, or Aunt Penelope wants to talk about your love life – or you just can’t stand One. More. Damn. Minute. I suggest you walk a dog.

• Everyone who has a dog is grateful to have it walked.
• The dog is also grateful.
• The dog uses up some energy that may help make for a more peaceful evening all-around.
• And you get a much deserved break while making yourself useful – who can complain about that?

If there is no dog on the scene, think of something else to do. Does the chef need anything from the store? Is there a car that needs to be washed? Firewood chopped? Perennials pruned? Whatever. Just get out.

It’s simple, I know. But extrication can be an art. And it took me an embarrassingly long time to learn how and when to disengage. And I don’t get it right every time. Not every battle needs to be fought, and not everyone needs a piece of your mind. Sometimes this is just about getting to the other side.

In fact, I’ve already got a bunch of great (and some macabre) suggestions from friends online and around the office. More to come on the subject…

I cannot believe it, but the brilliant authors of the incredible Go Fug Yourself blog have for some reason consented to respond to a couple of questions here. Quickly, before they come to their senses, let me tell you a little bit about their work and why I strongly recommend that you should read GFY every day.

Go Fug Yourself a fashion blog that dishes on what the stars are wearing, and provides some sideways commentary on celebrity culture through the filter of last season’s leggings. Ew. I kind of regret that metaphor. From fabulous shoes to highly unfortunate trousers, skirts that don’t always qualify for the title, and Bai Ling (enough said), you don’t have to know Louboutins from Levis to enjoy the melee.

I’ve been reading their blog daily for eons and find it to be simply amazing how they keep it fresh day after day, red carpet after red carpet, pantless starlet after shapeless muumuu. They’re snarky, smart and sometimes scathing but never cruel. In short, a strong recommend.

And without further ado, here is the interview:

What’s the single most important sartorial error to avoid at all costs?

JESSICA: We always say, make sure it fits and covers your bits. Everything else is negotiable as long as what you’re wearing fits you properly, and your nipple isn’t popping out.

HEATHER: Amen.

HEATHER: I’d say, a pair of shoes that makes you feel sexy as hell and
like your legs are ten feet long.

HEATHER: Someone once told me that if you’re trying to hide something, baggy clothes are your worst enemy because they’ll just make it look like you’re hiding MORE than you actually are. And it’s absolutely true. Let the clothes follow the contours and curves of your body and it will always be more flattering than trying to hide your tummy in a tent.

HEATHER: Yep, I agree. Scrap the roadmap. Be open to anything, because the best things are the ones you didn’t see coming.

See? Aren’t they awesome?? I think this is the start of a theme, and so I invite you to suggest someone for me to interview, or to give a piece of advice yourself.