I have a couple of super cool but pretty worn old Scan wood tabley things. I love ‘em – they’ve got a great shape, good proportion, elegant and spare design, and have served me well lo these many years. I have treated them somewhat roughly and the tops are all marked up with old water stains and whatnot.

It's a nice lookin' console, no?

I’ve long wanted to try to tidy them up a little, but have no time, skill or patience for a real project, and so have mostly just halfheartedly rubbed them with furniture polish or wax, noticed that no miracles took place, and then promptly forgot about it for a while. Honestly, they deserve better treatment.

Since today is kind of a quasi holiday (quasi only because not everyone has it off), I finally consulted the Great and Benevolent Internet to see what gems of homemaker wisdom it might be able to provide. The consensus was that I should place a white towel or piece of flat-like cloth on the stain and gently iron it for a few minutes.

And holy shit, it worked.

The stains were not completely removed (really, they were pretty bad), but the big ones were definitely significantly healed. So, let it be known that even years-old water stains can be abated by gently ironing a white cloth on the wood.

Oh, Internet. Is there anything you *don’t* know?

Do you have a piece of housekeeping advice? I know there are some really awesome tips out there. Share yours!

We had some family over to dinner on Sunday, and wanted to make it a little bit worth their while (our cousin is a fantastic chef), so we planned to do something a little bit special for dessert. And who doesn’t like creme brulee?

We couldn’t inflict our first effort on our unsuspecting relations (lives are at stake here, people), so we had to do a run or two in advance to make sure we know the details and have examined any loopholes.

Phase One: I mixed everything up, following Alton Brown’s very fine recipe on Foodnetwork.com. Since it has to rest and chill out and set for a couple of hours before you get to set fires, I made a round on Monday to be ready to scorch on Tuesday. Just like a cooking show! Then, on Tuesday, I mixed up a second batch, so we’d have another chance to refine our torch technique in advance of the big event.

Pictures below are from various parts of the process. When it was time to get our torch on, we coated them with sugar, and got burning.

A very fine experiment with a highly satisfactory result. Things we learned:

• Use a pretty thin coating of sugar. In the first round we made too thick a crust – it was an instant toothache
• Let the cream cool properly and completely, or your custard may not have a totally smooth texture because it’ll make the egg yolks a little grainy.
• Rum extract adds a nice flavor (because hey, it takes like rum), but it’s best used sparingly.

I hope it helped make dinner at our place a little more bearable for our long-suffering family members.

As fizzy water aficionados already know, sparkling water is lively, light, exhilarating and guilt-free. But when the fizz is gone, all you’ve got is a glass of flat, brackish liquid that tastes as if it were squeezed out from between two rocks. It seems that some waters lose their sparkle faster than others. For those of us who drink it by the barrel (and judging by the comments left by the lovely readers of this blog, Spouse and I are in good company), it is a matter of both financial and environmental significance to make sure we get the most out of our investment.

Courtesy of Arlene, Friend of Mom, we have this excellent new fizzy water conundrum to explore.

Topics upon which to draw hasty conclusions include:

• What brand holds its fizz best?
• Plastic or glass?
• Which one is the least objectionable when served flat?
• Effective strategies for fizz preservation?
• Harebrained strategies for fizz preservation?

I’m going to do a little research before publishing a more formal methods post, but currently intend to pick the top couple from our last fizzy water experiment, add some supermarket brands, and maybe throw in one or two more subjects (have a bottle of Voss on standby for just such an occasion).

Please send suggestions for test subjects, techniques and clever titles.

Everyone's a critic.

We arrived, we obsessed, we sampled and tasted and discussed and ate some of those lovely flat Spanish almonds from WholeFoods, and we scribbled furiously.

Our tasting crew included some of the sharpest critics I know. Hey – there’s nothing wrong with having high standards. But they took no prisoners as they sampled the goods. They made a couple of suggestions for improving the methodology, including a four-part fizziness metric (bubble size, quantity, longevity and relative sharp/softness). These will be taken under advisement for future regimens.

And then came the tabulation. Man, do I dread tabulation. And now the results are in:

Trader Joe’s Sparkling Mineral Water wins!

Comments from our illustrious panel for Trader Joe’s included:

• Nothing special.
• Refreshing, thirst-quenching.
• [this space intentionally left blank]
• Tiny happy bubbles.
• Lots of sting/fizz, not enough sparkle. Fuller taste than previous 2.

It might not sound like a strong showing, but we had some pretty polarized reactions to many of the others. Assorted comments include:

• Fizz all bite and no sparkle.
• Almost industrial.
• To be reevaluated.
• Carbonated salt water.
• Needed an almond to cleanse palate.
• Dirty, metallic.
• omg bad.

Well kids, that was fun.

One surprise was that Safeway brand Club Soda tied for 2nd place with San Pelligrino. Testers noted that it had a sweet overtone, without any real mineral flavor. Fine work, Safeway!

So here we are. With a winner in a batch of 10. But we didn’t get to test all of the varieties I wanted to. I really was looking forward to lightly obsessing over some of the restaurant staples: Voss, Saratoga… so we’re likely to do a round II.

Suggestions for how to improve the second round are welcome! As are additional brands to test.

We drink a lot of fizzy water around here. Not as much fizzy water as we drink tea, but still a statistically significant amount.

It’s definitely an indulgence – seems decadent to have it with dinner, in a lovely glass with a wedge of lime. It’s something only an adult would bother with, being highly responsible with no calories or alcohol. But once I got started with it, regular sodas started seeming unbearably sweet and syrupy.

Featured Fizzies

And people who drink this stuff regularly have opinions about it – which brand is the best, which is senselessly fancy, which tastes like an old tire. And restaurants charge out the wazoo for the stuff, marking it up a greater percentage even than wine. More restaurants are getting a piece of the action, too, asking right up front whether you’d like sparkling or still mineral water, or just tap. The implication, of course, is that sophisticated diners order fancy water and don’t you want to be in that group?

So, which one is the tastiest? The fizziest? Delicious? Heinous?

Today we taste-tested 10 sparkling mineral waters, and had some great results, some thoughtful critiques, and a lot of backseat experiment design (Spouse, I’m looking in your direction). I’ll work up the results in the next day or two, but today I present the details of the experiment.

Waters Tested:

1. Gerolsteiner
2. Archer Farm: Target
3. Poland Spring
4. Whole Foods Sparkling Mineral Water
5. Trader Joe’s Sparkling Mineral Water
6. San Pellegrino
7. Perrier
8. Club Soda: Safeway
9. World Market Sparkling Mineral Water
10. Apollinaris

Methodology!

We’re reusing some of the materials from the bottled/tap/Brita water taste test, and following the same protocol:

1. We wrote the name of the water on the bottom of each plate.
2. Poured corresponding waters in to tiny plastic cups, and set them on top – with the name concealed.
3. Someone else came into the room shuffled the plates, numbering them from 1-10 with a stout, Sharpie marker.
4. Testers sampled each water and write down observations identified by plate number.
5. Testers will gave each sample a rating on a scale of 1-5, with 5 being the the most delightfully tasty water a sophisticated palate could ask for, and 1 being bilge.
6. Written observations should be funny. 80’s hair band references and colorful emoticons are encouraged.

There are dozens more waters on the market, and I need to do some more research on the actual differences between mineral waters, club soda and seltzer. But phase one was a good time and we’re all super well-hydrated now. Go team.

Tell me, please that someone needs cucumber plants for their garden? It looks like I’ll have a surplus. Out of 40 seeds I put between two damp paper towels the other day, 19 sprouted – a very fine ratio according to Spouse who grew up close to the land in pastoral downtown Moscow or something.

The group on the right is showing signs of life. The group on the left, not so much.

It’s hard to see here, but the picture links to the full-sized shot. Like any good elementary school science fair entrant, I’ve now placed them into paper cups full of damp potting soil and placed these in my sunroom where they can keep the lemon tree I bought in the Palm Beach airport and the world’s oldest amaryllis company. Before they take over the world, that is.

I for one welcome our cucumber overlords.

But hey, at least I found a use for those old, used petri dishes. Do drop me a note in the comments here if you’re interested in hosting one (or more!) of these plants. The first batch is already sprouting above the soil.

What can I say? It’s a super exciting day here at Nutgraf HQ. Have some interview requests out, and a couple of other post notions in the works. Hopefully things will pick up.

A couple of friends (who happen to be a couple) expressed a good deal of interest in the Slanket vs Snuggie review, so I sent them a test kit to run through the paces. They delivered more than I’d dared hope for. If they’re game, I may just impose upon them again. Their payment? They got to keep the merchandise.

Just in case you haven’t been following the thread (how could you? I thought we had something), I’ve been circling this issue for weeks. As follows:

• This Slanket thing is out of control
• It’s game time: Snuggie vs Slanket
• Seven questions with Gary Clegg, Inventor of the Slanket

And one more link, if you can stand it: The Difference Between The Slanket and Snuggie

The Vital Stats:

Didn't Ashcroft do something similar at the DOJ?

Slanket dimensions:

• length to floor: 76 inches (top of arm hole to bottom)
• blanket width: 60 inches
• collar length: 18 inches
• sleeve length: 29 inches
• weight: 3.8 lbs
• color tested: forest green

Snuggie dimensions:

• length to floor: 64 inches (top of arm hole to bottom)
• blanket width: 54 inches
• collar length: 8 inches
• sleeve length: 29 inches
• weight: 1.4 lbs
• color tested: royal blue

Visual Inspection

As you can see, the Slanket is a much more substantial product.  As fleece goes, the Slanket is thick, heavy and plush.  The Snuggie is thin and of visibly lower quality than the Slanket. Maybe that is why it comes with a free book light.

Charge! Static?

Yes, please! Slanket wins the lesser-of-two-evils award in the static category.  The Snuggie is made of the same material as the “car blankets” you can find at CVS for five bucks.  As such, it can generate enough static electricity to blow your cat across the room. [editor's note: no cats were harmed in the making of this blog post]

Would you leave the house in your Snuggie/Slanket?

Hell, no! Maybe if I were 15 years younger and it meant I’d get free beer (kudos to the Snuggie pub crawlers) but those days are long gone.  But if you HAD to leave the house, take the Snuggie over the Slanket.  The Slanket is too heavy and large for maneuvering, being so long that a face-plant into the carpet is in your future.  The Snuggie wins the mobility contest.

Are the Snuggie/Slanket sleeves effective?

Yes, both models keep your arms free for what is important: channel surfing, text messaging, cat loving and wine sipping. Sleeves are long enough to keep you warm while you work on your couch tasks.

The Slanket is an actual blanket with sleeves and lives up to its name.  The Snuggie is less of a blanket and more of a backwards robe.

Now, let’s be clear here: The Slanket/Snuggie test was not my idea.

Exhibit A: Gizmodo
Jason here did a much more thorough investigation than I ever had any intention of suggesting to my fine testers, J&J. It’s a great review – and the fine folks over at Slanket liked it so much they put it on their homepage. Rock on.

And now people have been sending me things like the following:

• Snuggie Pub Crawl
• Warming to the Cult of the Snuggie
• “Cult” again, but now with more photo gallery…
• Snuggie to the Test
• Snuggish thing for two that makes me die a little inside
• Slanket vs Snuggie Grudge Match
• And on
• And on
• Good Lord, it Tweets

And honestly, I’m kind of mystified. I don’t know why all of this fleece devotion is being sent my way. Did I inadvertently give the impression that I lounge about the house all day swaddled in fleece from head to toe? Do I look cold to you? Would it be an improvement over my usual work attire? What are you all trying to say?

I gotta say, I still don’t get the appeal. But maybe that’s because testers J&J haven’t explained it to me yet.

And also, why is all of this press focused on the Snuggie? The Slanket seems to have been the first on the scene, and the reviews give the Slanket a firm lead. So I’m going to harass the fine Slanket people and see if their fearless leader would be kind enough to answer 7 Questions to run approximately concurrently with the Nutgraf review.

What would you like me to ask? Submissions welcome via e-mail and the comments field below.

For the last couple of months, it seemed like a higher and higher percentage of our Netflix movies were scratched, spotty or otherwise horked up. Spouse and I found ourselves getting increasingly frustrated with the service. We’re working our way through The Wire now, a real potboiler of a series, and our language and patience have both deteriorated apace with the quality of our viewing experience.

It got to the point where when you slipped a movie into it, the thing would just sit there and purr – while the cats examined it quizzically – until it would error out glumly.

Vacuum attachment

It eventually dawned on us that we have two big long-haired cats and that it would not be any great shock to know that the lens or the motor in the player had just accumulated one fuzzball too many.

So the question became: How do you relieve the machine of the fluff?

The answer:

• One upright vacuum cleaner with pointy attachment.
• One Bic pen
• A sufficient amount of tape

Then, in a manner that it not at all recommended by any reputable sources, you can take this attachment and “swizzle” it around in the machine in an attempt to dislodge the hypothetical fluff.

Attachment at work.

Crocs, pictured at bottom right, are optional. And hideous.

Now, of course, the DVD player is irretrievably broken. Which leads us to our next and much more compelling question:

Can you build a modern media server out of an old 286 computer chassis?

Okay, it’s not quite game time. But I had to get the petri dishes off of my netvibes page; they were making me sick.

As promised a couple of weeks ago, I’ve awarded the Snuggie to a lovely reader who prevented a grisly tattoo misquote. Lovely reader (we’ll figure out a good nom-de-blogue later) has consented to review the Snuggie for posterity! So, in the name of scientific rigor, I’m ordering a Slanket for comparison purposes. Methodology will be discussed over cocktails next week, and then Battle Snuggie vs Slanket will commence.