Because a bad gift can be a beautiful thing, but doesn’t have to be, here are a couple of sites I found that celebrate gifts that simply shouldn’t be.
Extremely festive shrunken head.
My family has one gift story that really shines. My great-uncle Irving owned a successful fruit importing business that required him to travel to South America frequently. When he returned from one of his trips, he gave my grandfather a wrinkled paper bag with something “for the girls.” Just picture their little faces when they opened up and found a couple of shrunken heads. I’m not sure if my aunts have yet fully recovered. You know, because there’s nothing a young girl wants more than grotesquely disfigured mummified human remains. Tell your uncle thanks, girls!
It’s the thought that counts, right?
Speaking of thoughts, my own include the hope that everyone’s having a warm and wonderful holiday, whether you’re celebrating or just relaxing at home because everything’s closed. You are welcome to share your holiday thoughts and tales of gifts gone bad (or very very right) below.
Bad Gift Emporium
This site lets users submit or even trade their worst-of gifts. Some of my favorites included the dead goldfish,
Regretsy
With thanks to Toxic for telling me about this little gem, this site is a collection of handmade horrors, and a great blend of the psychiatrically suspicious and the simply lazy.
Zazzle
The custom-printed gear shop gets in on the action, with a section of awful merchandise that someone thought was worth creating. Surely some of these joyless, cringe-inducing items were lovingly wrapped for friends and relatives. Practice shifting your “stunned disbelief’ face into one of pleasant surprise.
The Museum of Bad Art
It comes from the Boston suburbs, so you know it’s bad. I feel like they could have taken this farther, but I’m kind of a little bit in love with the Circus of Despair. Make sure you check out their gift shop, for some truly bad ideas.
Glitter Gone Bad
It’s kind of like occupational therapy, but somehow in the wrong order. From the hoof boots to the plush puke… I’d ask “why,” but am not sure that I really want to know.
Craftastrophe
When crafts go wrong on Craftastrophe, they go very, very wrong. Exhibit A: A felt recreation of Bella’s womb and fetus from the Twilight series. No, I’m not kidding. And yes, I wish I was. And that’s a fun one. Some of these other treasures will haunt your dreams.
The Ugly Sweater Store
As advertised, this site boasts a lot of ugly sweaters.
Mookie Gifts
When you don’t want to wait til after the holidays for your post-holiday letdown, there’s a whole lot of useless going on over at Mookie. If you need a senselessly elaborate contraption to keep you from accessing that bottle of wine Aunt Penelope gave you, this is the place.
Wonderfully Wacky
Nothing to see here. Nothing redeemable, anyway.
Stumble It!
Like any blog, I get a bunch of spam in the comments. The following sample slipped through the very excellent Akismet spam filter and I’m so glad that it did. I thought it was just delightful and wanted to share it. Not quite delightful enough to “approve” it or share the links that this bot wishes to promote, just charming enough to post here, on a slow and rainy day.
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