Little Things: The poetry in mangled translations

Buckwheat instructions

  • To place a bag in a plenty of the boiling added some salt water.
  • To cook on moderate fire of 15-20 minutes.
  • To get a bag, having picked up a plug for a loop stipulated for this purpose.
  • To allow water to flow down.
  • To open a bag, having broken off it on a line of notches.
  • To lay out a product on a dish and to add oil to taste.

Isn’t Russian beautiful?

These are the English instructions on a box of boil-in-the-bag buckwheat that Spouse procured at the Russian Gourmet where he shops when he’s feeling nostalgic.

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BookGraf: Let’s read “Swamplandia!”

It’s a new year, if you can believe it. Honestly, I feel kind of shorted on 2011. There’s no way that was 12 whole months. 2012 just seems so rich by comparison – and already riddled with such delights as stolen credit cards, recalled automobiles, assorted family and friend-related mishegoss. But things are actually pretty good overall, and I’m just doing some wholesale Winter Whining.

So – as we look towards a couple of months of dark, cold, probably wet and/or icy days, let’s get a little lost in a nice, shiny, new novel that takes place in Florida (Unofficial Motto: The Sun-Damaged Décolletage State).

I selected Swamplandia! because it’s new, looked like fun, got good reviews, and is charmingly inexpensive. What can I say, in these trying economic times, it makes good sense to support the trade paperback industry.

Here’s the review in the New York Times, which mentions that author Karen Russell has “honed her elegant verbal wit and fused it with the nightmare logic that makes Swamplandia! such an eccentric yet revelatory family story.” Despite the fact that Ms. Russell is infuriatingly young and talented, I do like a lot of the adjectives in that sentence, and also a couple of the nouns, so let’s do this.

The novel unfolds in a failing gator-wrestling Everglades theme park, where the 13-year-old protagonist is trying to keep things afloat at the family theme park in the face of a pretty comprehensive list of crises. I’m making it sound wacky, and some of the ingredients are just that, but the review emphasizes that the story and its telling are also haunting and suspenseful.

I’ll ask for comments in mid-February and plan to post something shortly thereafter.

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As always, any purchases of anything made through links on this site will generate a small donation to the American Cancer Society (via my Cancer is an Asshole campaign).

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Nerd Alert: ‘How to Ace a Google Interview’

Scanning the Twitter this morning, I came across a post about this Wall Street Journal article: “How to Ace a Google Interview.”

It’s from the end of December, so I’m a little late to the game here, but it says that candidates for Google jobs are often asked weird interview questions designed to shed light on their personality and problem solving skills to see if they’d be a good fit. One such question:

“You are shrunk to the height of a nickel and thrown into a blender. Your mass is reduced so that your density is the same as usual. The blades start moving in 60 seconds. What do you do?”

The author says a common – and unimpressive – answer is that you can hide below the whirring blades.

And I’m writing this post because I’m annoyed that it’s unimpressive. You *can* hang out below the blades and remain untouched. In fact, I just tried it with my own blender (Offspring is a bear in the morning until she gets her smoothie), and a nickel to be sure. Maybe there’s something wrong with your stupid question if there is such an easy, obvious solution.

And why are you throwing applicants into a blender anyway? Talk about a hostile work environment. That’s awfully supervillian-y of you, which is directly contrary to Google’s informal slogan of “Don’t be evil.” In fact, I’d call that a “Don’t Be Evil Fail,” and frankly expect better of you. Maybe I don’t want your stupid job after all.

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